Phew! Work has been manic! We’ve had 2 Open Evenings and an Open Morning, and that in between all the other more normal hassles of starting a new school year. As a result, I had to work last weekend to keep pace with myself. I calculated that over the past 2 weeks I’ve worked an average of 10 hour days, with one 13 hour day. Not easy at the best of times, but especially so when you’re nearly 6 months pregnant!
However, on the up side, my new chair arrived at work. That has made the world of difference to me! It enables me to teach while sitting, and still allows me to be visible to the kids on their stools. If only all problems were as easy to solve.
My indigestion has been getting steadily worse, despite the antacids, and I’m now down to eating about half what I used to be able to at one sitting, which means I’m constantly feeling peckish and hungry. I’m not convinced that all this eating regularly isn’t what’s making my indigestion so bad (as my stomach is now constantly producing acids to cope with the constant eating), but everyone assures me that it isn’t. I’m looking forward to a life without indigestion in a few months, please God!
My stomach is now really starting to get big, although everyone else tells me that it’s still small and expresses wonder at how trim I seem. Maybe my clothes are just baggy enough to hide it, but I certainly feel huge.
My back has started to hurt, so I imagine my pelvis has started to shift, and this is where the real prayers begin. I fractured my spine when I was young, and didn’t know it at the time. The upshot of that is that the sacrum (last few fused vertebrae) now points inwards instead of outwards (as it should). Ever since, it has given me lower back pain, especially when I’m tired/ stressed and/or the weather changes. My GP assures me it shouldn’t be a problem in labour and I’ll be able to give birth naturally, but I’m still not convinced it won’t cause me a heck of a lot of pain never the less. So, as my back pain returns, I’m praying this won’t add to it.
While things at work seem to be calming down somewhat as everyone settles into the routine again, I’m left pondering the long haul to Christmas. On the one hand, I’m pleased it’s several months away – I will need that time to do some more reading and prepare myself for motherhood (can you ever really be prepared for something so life-changing???) – and so Christmas seems but a breath away. On the other hand, I’m already tired of being large and uncomfortable and tired, and want it all over with as quickly as possible – and so Christmas seems a life-time away.
I’m excited about meeting this new individual and I want to get started on this new journey, and I want to do it now. Yet, I feel apprehensive about what exactly the future holds for Graeme and I, and I want to put off the change for as long as possible, keep things the same for as long as possible.
So ultimately I feel I’m just marking time – moving inexorably towards a destiny over which I have no control, but which I know will forever change my paradigm – and I HATE that (both the marking time thing, and the feeling of powerlessness thing). I can’t bear the thought of feeling like this for another 3 months. I want to enjoy this pregnancy, not be constantly fretting about how much longer there is to go.
I guess that’s one of the reasons I want to work for as long as possible – give myself something else to think about and focus on. Sitting around being philosophical only results in too much navel gazing (which leads to this sort of morbid introspection and depression) and not enough engaging with (and truly living!) life – SO, I’m off to do some baking now – engage myself in a useful leisure activity while I still can. A bit of comfort food, especially of my own creation, never went amiss!
Nicole
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