28 weeks

Another milestone reached – 28 weeks! It’s amazing to think that if the baby were born today, she would be able to survive. It’s incredible that all she will do from now on is mature and grow, but that she is already fully formed.

So of course, I’ve been thinking a lot about a prem birth, particularly as I’ve recently heard from a number of first-timers who have had one, usually with complications. And feeling suitably terrified of labour. I still don’t want to think about it, and I’m not sure that I will want to think about it at all between now and then; not that I want to be uninformed or ill-prepared, but my imagination is active enough and thinking about the pain makes me feel rather … I don’t know… “uncomfortable” doesn’t begin to cover it!

I guess I’m also trying to avoid thinking about what happens after the birth… from chronic tiredness to post-natal depression (which I know I’m going to have… and I’m not just being pessimistic here – I have both the temperament and the hormonal make-up that are common in women who get it), from having to get over the gag reflex and dealing with nappies to dealing with a screaming baby and split nipples; to the ultimate terror of having to be completely responsible for this little thing for the next umpteen years.

I know there are plenty of joys – bonding with her, first smiles, first everythings… but right now it’s a bit hard thinking about those when I know there’s a lot of really unpleasant stuff to deal with as well. I know I’m not ready for this – not in a million years – and it doesn’t help that I know no-one ever is.

So that’s my current psychological state. Physically I’m okay. She’s still kicking ferociously, and doing millions of tumble rolls. At times it feels like someone is running a finger down the inside of my stomach, and squashing my solar plexus against my stomach muscles – very weird! She’s been kicking my ribs and lungs quite a bit too, which has been really sore – to the extent that I have to get up and walk around a bit to calm her down.

Having said last time that my cramps had gone, it seems they’ve returned. The past few days I’ve had really bad foot cramps again, which neither heat, nor massage, nor walking, nor salt seems to have helped. My indigestion has also gone through the roof again the past few days.

I’ve been really trying to keep calm at work, and not yell or get angry (to keep my blood pressure down, amongst other things) and to work shorter days (rather than the usual 10 hour days I do). This past week was really good – I even managed to leave school at 4pm on 3 consecutive days! (That’s an all-time record for me!) As a reward for this, I took myself shopping on Friday, and got a really nice preggy wear outfit for work – who says you have to look frumpy when you’re pregnant?!?!

Graeme’s had the cold I had, so neither of us has been sleeping well, with the result that I’ve been more tired than normal. We’re both on the mend though, so hopefully sleep will return to normal soon, and with that, some more energy! I’ll need it next week – my work load shoots through the roof (it’s tests and projects week, so marking will be my primary, secondary and tertiary activity for the week!)

This weekend we spent some time getting the spare room more or less ready to become a nursery. As baby will sleep in our room for the first while (and my mom will be in the spare room), we just sorted and cleared to make space for a rocking chair and stuff. It felt odd – like planting bulbs for spring – you put them in the ground according to a how you imagine they will look when they flower, but you really won’t know whether you’ve been successful or not until the spring. You put all this effort in, but you still only have bare ground to look at all through the winter. (Of course, it’s all worth it for the sudden bloom, but it’s a long time to wait!) So we’re trying to imagine how all the baby stuff will fit in the room, and what needs doing in anticipation of that, but the room is still far from being a nursery, and won’t be one properly till April some time… about the time my bulbs will be flowering!

Nicole